10 Uses for the Pimple on my Lip

1. Hang an ornament from it, because I’m too big of a pussy to get a piercing.

2. Call it a third nipple and start a fetish site.

3. Polish my glasses.

4. Tell emo chicks it’s from when I tried to kill myself, get crazy laid.

5. Draw a face on it, become a YouTube celebrity.

6. Avoid kisses at the Oscars when I accept awards for my YouTube show.

7. Squirt pus into my enemy’s eyes when they bow.

8. Prove to my father that I hit puberty.

9. Gain street cred by telling people it’s a gunshot wound.

10. Drink more Slurpees and see how big I can grow it.

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