Irreversible Mistakes

From my perspective, getting drunk and falling into a forest where I’d heard a girl would be makes a whole lot of sense.

The fog just kind of rolled in and splayed out over the earth until it hardened and stuck there. Lazy and uninspired.

I’ve joked in the past that I post here about once each year, but this is probably the first time I’ve actually gone longer than 365 days without putting anything

I am basically too tall to live anywhere.

IHOP is somewhat less likely to kill you than Denny's, even if they will both kill you.

I guess I thought it would be a great place to watch the rapture, because cows and Jesus go hand in hand as personal interests, but when that didn't pan

I have decided to convert to a standing desk, for several reasons. First, because I am so much better than you at everything—including standing.

The clerk at my 7-Eleven always asks prying questions about whatever I'm buying.

This update may never have been written if not for the brave actions of an unknown tree surgeon.

What if you were sitting at home alone, peacefully watching television and not owning a dog?