On the day I was born I remember very clearly the first words spoken to me: “Son, you are a Scorpio. Don’t let it go to your head.”
Hah! Fat chance, Doctor Father, I was born a pimp and I’ll die a—
oliveandteal: Im a virgo now 🙁
fancydink: What?
oliveandteal: The signs changed dates
—peeeemp?
Apparently I fall under Libra now. What the hell good is a Libran? I’ve heard that Librans make great lawyers, so more to the point, can they really just change the signs like that?
I think I have some residual Scorpio laying around, because taking astrology to court seems like a lot of effort. Maybe tomorrow. Besides, it might not be all that bad, this Libra thing.
First of all, I’m not as interested in sex as when I was a Scorpio, about a minute ago, so I should get a lot more of that boring life stuff done. I don’t really know what “life stuff” is, because whenever people used to talk about it I would just think about having sex with them, but I’m a fast-learning Libra now and it shouldn’t be a problem.
I’ve also become less argumentative, paving the way for new opportunities in my career. The sky is the—
oliveandteal: Hahaah
oliveandteal: “New” career.
oliveandteal: Dont you mean “a” career.
oliveandteal: This changed your life.
fancydink: I didn’t say “new” career, you dumb fuck illiterate Virgo piece of shit
oliveandteal: I for one think youre still a bit of a scorpio.
Ashley
January 13, 2011This is a sickening conspiracy theory and the astronomers and astrologists behind it should waste no time in shoving Libra’s scales up their asses. Fuck this shit. Nobody is taking away my badass star-sign just because the planet happened to move.
vinnie
January 13, 2011That’s total BS!
Ophiuchus has been around since forever.
They just didn’t like to talk about it because 13 signs was deemed an unlucky number.
spacemonkey
January 14, 2011Haha! Looks like we found another Scorpio that turned into a Libra…
Ashley.
lol
Dink
January 14, 2011She has a right to be angry. I’ve never cared about astrology, but on a certain level I’ve always been happy that my sign was the one that raped and murdered things.
However, if I could choose now it would be a tossup between that and the new one, because nobody can pronounce it and it makes me think of greek guys vomiting.
BoxcarJim
January 14, 2011“less argumentative” Man, i am crying from that. 😛
BoxcarJim
January 14, 2011Also, do any of you fags still hang out on irc? I miss some of our epic irc chats.
Dink
January 14, 2011As a Scorpio I was a monster. We all know that.
However, I’ll have you know that I am newly diplomatic and able to deal with disagreements in a measured tone, SO GET YOUR ARSEFAG FACTS STRAIGHT AND CHECK YOURSELF BEFORE YOU TRY TO FUCK WITH ME AGAIN.
Dink
January 14, 2011Oh, hello again. I’m not on IRC lately. I only really turn to IRC when there are specific things I’m supposed to be doing, because hanging out in chatrooms all day hurts my soul. I may or may not change my mind if you have a channel for gaylords.
Memo Juez
January 14, 2011After giving his daily reading on his morning radio spot, The Cosmic Muffin would close with, “It is a wise man that rules the stars and a fool that is ruled by them.”
… and no, I am tooooo GAWD DAMN moody to be a fucking Taurus.
Astrologists = Asshats and Charlatans
Astronomists = Real Men and Women of Science.
Astronomists will tell me which ponzi scheme to invest (throw away) my money in from now on!!
Dink
January 14, 2011Somebody doesn’t like his new sign~
Princeps
January 14, 2011Oh sup, Mt. Etna just exploded: http://news.carrentals.co.uk/mt-etna-eruption-hampers-flights-34233003.html
Why does this have anything to do with astrology? Because when Zeus was fighting Typhon for supreme control of the UNIVERSE, all the other gods ran away by turning into the zodiac signs. And when Zeus won, he imprisoned Typhon in… you guessed it… Mt. Etna.
I don’t actually believe in this shit, but it was an amazing coincidence.
Princeps
January 14, 2011Also, August 13 here. Born a Leo, still a Leo.
Joey Michaels
January 14, 2011I would be under the new wussy healer dude sign instead of the totally rad second amendment rights centaur sign. Fuck that, man, I’m all about bow hunting and being hung like a horse and shit.
Memo Juez
January 14, 2011@Princeps: I’m sure with some minimum effort, we could tie all this in with Mayan Calendar & Revelations and a few other end of days predictions.
Typhon is finally free, is that one of the seals that has been broken?
Is Obama, the much heralded as the second coming of JFK really the Anti-Christ? He will still be President on 21 Dec 12, irregardless of what happens the month before.
Conspiracies abound.