On the day I was born I remember very clearly the first words spoken to me: “Son, you are a Scorpio. Don’t let it go to your head.”

Hah! Fat chance, Doctor Father, I was born a pimp and I’ll die a—

oliveandteal: Im a virgo now 🙁
fancydink: What?
oliveandteal: The signs changed dates

—peeeemp?

Apparently I fall under Libra now. What the hell good is a Libran? I’ve heard that Librans make great lawyers, so more to the point, can they really just change the signs like that?

I think I have some residual Scorpio laying around, because taking astrology to court seems like a lot of effort. Maybe tomorrow. Besides, it might not be all that bad, this Libra thing.

First of all, I’m not as interested in sex as when I was a Scorpio, about a minute ago, so I should get a lot more of that boring life stuff done. I don’t really know what “life stuff” is, because whenever people used to talk about it I would just think about having sex with them, but I’m a fast-learning Libra now and it shouldn’t be a problem.

I’ve also become less argumentative, paving the way for new opportunities in my career. The sky is the—

oliveandteal: Hahaah
oliveandteal: “New” career.
oliveandteal: Dont you mean “a” career.
oliveandteal: This changed your life.

fancydink: I didn’t say “new” career, you dumb fuck illiterate Virgo piece of shit

oliveandteal: I for one think youre still a bit of a scorpio.