I live in Canada, but I’m still declaring war. Mostly because I feel like it. It all started with a conversation I had with my war guy (he’s the guy who helps me decide who to declare war on). The following is a excerpt from that conversation:

“It’s cold here.”
“Because it’s Canada, Canada sucks.”
“What’s so bad about canada?”
“Saskatchewan.”
“True.”
“Canadian kids are ugly, too.”

He then sent me a picture of a Canadian kid. It appeared to be normal at first, but looking closely I could see how ugly the kid was. I don’t know how to describe it apart from saying the kid looked very Canadian.

With this in mind, I had no choice but to declare war.

Of course, I can’t take on the entire Canadian army. There are like 12 of them and only one of me. So, I am taking on the most powerful person in Canada: The chief justice of Canada’s supreme court.

I forget her name, I think it’s like, “Gark” or something.

But anyway, she’s powerful, and my understanding from watching television is that if I kill her I’ll become the chief justice, and then I can just bang her gavel and make it the law that I own Canada.

Or if there are government agents reading this and it’s illegal to say you’re going to kill Lady Gark, I could just knock her over and grab the gavel while she’s on the floor.

THIS WILL WORK. Updates to follow.