DOS Games Roundup

Not every old DOS game is a piece of shit. Most of them are, but when it comes to my personal favorites I think only half of them suck. See if you can tell which ones!


It’s a 3D version of tetris. The controls are a little weird at first, but once you get used to it it’s just as good as the original game, and a little more interesting.

Fuck Quest

Your mission is to “get some hot pussy.” It’s not a hard game, takes just a few minutes to beat it (heh), but it’s fucking hillarious. It’s worth the download in spite of being so easy, and it’s not much of a download anyway, less than 100KB.

Gold Rush

First things first: It’s by Sierra, makers of kings quest, space quest, police quest, and on and on, so you know it’s pretty good. And unlike Fuck Quest there’s a lot more game here. You have to journey from Brooklyn to California in search of gold, and there are many mini adventures along the way. The gameplay is the classic Sierra style but I think this is the best I’ve played of that genre.

Indy 500

It’s a very basic racing game. There’s only one track, an oval… but I’m still going to tell you it’s a good game. It’s a realistic racing sim, not an arcade racer… although it’s pretty old to be called “realistic.” The graphics aren’t that bad, and if you crash you actually develop problems rather than just losing a few seconds. For example, the inability to turn left. It’s fun for a while.

Scorched Earth

I don’t know why, but this is one of my favorite games of all time. I played a ton of this back in the day, and after recently finding it again I’ll say this is the kind of game that doesn’t really age. You simply adjust power and angle settings to fire bombs at rival tanks. The graphics suck, but fuck it. You buy bigger bombs and shields as you go, and it’s a lot like Worms or Warheads but the simplicity is really to its advantage. I promise this game kicks ass.

Super Karts

A racing game very similar to Mario Kart for N64. There are many tracks to race and a few different modes. You upgrade your Kart with the money you earn in races, and can pick up objects like turbo-boosts on the track. It’s a lot of fun, for me at least. It’s definitely not as good as Mario Kart or even Diddy Kong Racing, but this is the best I’ve found on PC.

Winter Challenge

The graphics are surprisingly good for the time period this game is from: 1991! It’s a very complete winter sports game. You can play almost any winter sport: Ski, Skate, Luge, etc.. The controls are fucked up for some events, like speed skating… I don’t like hitting enter repeatedly and the rhythm doesn’t always make sense. But most events are just the arrow keys, and for those ones this is worth playing.

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