I’m trying to think of a smart-person word for goosh, or gooshing—liquid being displaced and forced out of a confined area by the introduction of an object.
Do you want to know why I’m thinking about that? I bet you do.
See, I was thinking about having sex with a sea cucumber. Actually, first I was thinking about having sex with a sea anemone, because it’s a visually more obvious approximation of a vagina, but I think they actually produce a toxic slime as a defense mechanism. Might be pleasurable for some of you, but it’s not what I was after as these thoughts came to me over breakfast.
Sea cucumbers, though, can turn themselves inside-out, right? If true, I might be able to sort of unfurl one and wrap it tightly around my penis, acting as a thick, juicy foreskin. The sea cucumber’s defense mechanism—far more pleasant than that of the anemone—is to coat itself in mucous, which I think would make a fine lubricant.
I considered, then, that the sea cucumber is the most versatile sex toy in the animal kingdom. Men can use it in the way I have described, and obviously women can just use it as a dildo. The two methods could even be performed in tandem, to make up for embarrassing shortcomings on the part of the male.
Okay, ladies, I’m not exactly sure how firm they are, but I’ve had bad nights and managed to get the job done, so I’m going to say it’s at least sort of possible.
As I thought about women using sea cucumber dildos, I considered that women already produce a lubricant of their own, which might, in conjunction with an onslaught of mucous from the sea cucumber, result in a vagina over-full and, you know, gooshing all over the place.
I just don’t want to say it all crass like that. Goosh.
spacemonkey
March 21, 2011The only word I can think of is squidge, but that’s a pretty gross word, too.
Dink
March 21, 2011This whole idea will never catch on if we can’t present it to people without making it sound all dirty.
Veezletran
March 22, 2011http://www.questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=1886
Dink
March 22, 2011I’m glad this is starting to catch on. I’ve been trying to get people on the bandwagon of having sex with aquatic life for years. http://validatethis.com/2007/03/dear-girl/
Veezletran
March 22, 2011http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_QxQQj4ccOqs/S8PwjNh43TI/AAAAAAAAAtM/UAm5Avas8bI/s1600/GiantIsopod-764949.jpg
landroide
March 22, 2011Also, splorch
Joey Michaels
March 22, 2011Would you need to use your cucumber extension underwater to ensure that the creature doesn’t die mid-coitus?
Memo Juez
March 22, 2011Gush?