This is my new microwave oven. I don’t like it very much.

See, it’s my first microwave that is white. My previous microwave was black, and I’m no good at adjusting to change. Microwaves should all be black.

I’ve named my new microwave Whitey, because I’m racist towards microwaves.

I hate Whitey. I’m only heating gross things in Whitey, like the parts of turkey’s that are in that little bag, separated from the edible parts. That’s your dinner every night, Whitey.

I’m warming all of my forks in Whitey before every meal, for 10 seconds each. I will leave it to chance whether or not this causes an explosion that destroys Whitey, at which point somebody will buy me a new microwave.

A black one, hopefully.