I have decided to convert to a standing desk, for several reasons. First, because I am so much better than you at everything—including standing. Second, because I intend to live forever and there is a chance that this will help me reach Aubrey de Grey’s human longevity escape velocity.

Consider that Winston Churchill used a standing desk, and he was a big fat asshole who lived to be 90 goddamn years old.

Donald Rumsfeld apparently still uses one, and for some reason he’s not dead yet.

Ernest Hemingway only made it to 61, but I can go back to ignoring Hemingway now that I have my awesome standing desk to impress hipster chicks.

I even have science on my side, for once, according to this:

A new study from American Cancer Society researchers finds it’s not just how much physical activity you get, but how much time you spend sitting that can affect your risk of death. Researchers say time spent sitting was independently associated with total mortality, regardless of physical activity level. They conclude that public health messages should promote both being physically active and reducing time spent sitting.

In the unlikely event that you lived long enough to read that, I think I’ve made my point. I really can’t see a single downside to switching to a standing desk.

Now if you don’t mind, I’m going to cut this post short because my feet are fucking killing me.