I am only slightly concerned about the Rapture.

There are a lot of things in life one may worry themselves over, and though the Rapture is rather a largish concept compared to something like running low on yogurt, I am probably more concerned with the latter.

First of all, I would have to get myself out to a grocery store. Already, my internal monologue is a repeating chant of ugh and fuck this. Should I manage to drag my atrophied limbs out and beyond the threshold of my door (perhaps first into a pair of pants) the struggle will have hardly even begun. I will have to find the dairy aisle—interacting with various case-studies on the human disease, I might add—and then there will be a pressure to choose, from a great many options I know an equal amount of nothing about. Should I get a single vat of the stuff, or individual cups? What size, or how many? I have to know in advance how much yogurt I’ll want to eat before the expiration date— oh, the expiration date, I should be looking at that, too! And what’s this business about milk fat? Ugh, fuck this.

By comparison, the requirements for being raptured are much, much more simplistic. Do you believe in God? Oh, well then.

Though, the stakes are arguably higher than accidentally buying yogurt with greater than two percent milk fat. I guess I’m just not much of a long-term thinker.

I am though, as I said, slightly concerned about the Rapture. Mainly because it’s meant to be taking place in less than two weeks, on the 21st of May, 2011. According, at least, to Harold Camping, whose name I like a little.

His prediction isn’t very widely accepted, even by other people who do believe in God and the Rapture and all of that, but since there are not many solid predictions to choose from I have little choice to be very slightly concerned about his in particular. There must be some reason that nobody is presenting an alternate hypothesis, and I can only make a bunch of stupid assumptions and conclude that it’s because his is absolutely correct and they’re all totally afraid to admit it.

Though, I’m not sure Harold has actually read the Bible.

“But about that day or hour no one knows, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father.”

“For in the days before the flood, people were eating and drinking, marrying and giving in marriage, up to the day Noah entered the ark; and they knew nothing about what would happen until the flood came and took them all away. That is how it will be at the coming of the Son of Man.”

“Therefore keep watch, because you do not know on what day your Lord will come.”

“So you also must be ready, because the Son of Man will come at an hour when you do not expect him.”

I just made the effort to disprove something I don’t believe in by quoting a bunch of bullshit I think is stupid.

Harold also predicted the Rapture once before, in 1994, so unless the apocalypse was the last episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation (which I might accept) then it seems Harold Camping, whose name I still like a little bit, was off by at least 17 years with his first crack at it.

Either way, I’m curious to know how you idiots will be spending your final days of life on the Earth.

As for me, I’m off to <shudder> the supermarket. </shudder>