Christoph:

Greetings, Internet. Welcome to the show.

Today we’re talking with Kimber and Sara here on Facebook.

Let’s get right to it with the introductions. Kimber here is a large-breasted scientist from all the way up in Canada. Say hello, Kimber.

Kimber:

hiiiii

Christoph:

And Sara, she’s a large-breasted woman who might have a job, from somewhere in America I’m not too sure of, but her breasts are large. Say hello, Sara.

All right, let’s try another Sara

Well hello, Sarah. Welcome to the program.

Sarah:

hello

Christoph:

Are you caught up on the show to this point?

Sarah:

sure

Christoph:

All right, so we were just doing the introductions. Why don’t you say a few words about yourself to get things started?

Sarah:

Being a large breasted american who may or may not have a job isn’t enough introduction?

Christoph:

That was the other Sara. I am to take it that you also may have a job, or may not have a job?

Sarah:

I do in fact have a job

Kimber:

Good show!

Christoph:

Excellent! Kimber here is a vaccine research -ologist. Let’s compare your professions directly. What do you do?

Sarah:

Well now I feel inadequate. I wait tables.

Christoph:

Kimber, a response?

Kimber:

Don’t feel inadequate!

Christoph:

Excellent.

WEEE-OOO, WEEE-OOO, those are sirens, people!

You know what that means? It’s time to bring in an expert!

Ashley, how are you tonight?

Ashley:

I’m good. Almost tired

Christoph:

Nearly tired. Fantastic. I understand you’re an expert on Waiting Tables?

Ashley:

I used to be before I quit my job

but I would still like to think that I retained all of my knowledge on the subject

Christoph:

But you were quite proficient. Don’t be modest. Sarah here waits tables currently, and feels inadequate to Kimber who is an -ologist. How do you feel? Should Sarah feel inferior in this case?

Ashley:

Of course not!

Christoph:

Did that help, Sarah?

Kimber:

I’m not even an -ologist.

Christoph:

/me shuffles papers around nervously

Sarah:

Yes, I do feel slightly better about my non-career

Ashley:

People have different table waiting methods, and how a customer judges the waitress depends purely on that customer

Christoph:

What are some of the methods?

Ashley:

well, some people prefer a server who gives contant attention

Christoph:

Oh, I hate that. Sarah, are you an irritating server?

Ashley:

some prefer chatty waitresses (even though they are just trying to get sympathy tips)

some, like dear Christoph (I’m assuming) likes waitresses who provide attention, but are not pushy, yet make no mistakes

Sarah:

I am sometimes forced to be an irritating server because my restaurant forces servers to name three items in every dish brought to the table. But I try to refrain from irritating.

Kimber:

That is an odd rule

Christoph:

I like it when they say “Whatchu want?” and I say what I want, and then I never have to hear them speak again.

Ashley:

haha. That’s totally my method.

Sarah:

That is my favorite kind of customer.

Christoph:

Sarah, do you have any servering tips of your own?

Ashley:

I even brought a water pitcher to a table because I just didn’t feel like dealing with their glasses all night

I got a pretty good tip if I remember…

Christoph:

I have never had a waitress offer to clean my glasses for me

Sarah:

hardy har har

Ashley:

Shall I try this tomorrow? Would you appreciate the offer of glasses-cleaning?

Christoph:

Well, I can’t do it on my own, but I would normally not appreciate that kind of attention regardless. Allow me to struggle on in my squalor and sadness, please.

We have a viewer question, via email. I’ll read it to you now.

Jay says: Ashley doesn’t have huge breasts, but I notice she wears low-cut tops to work anyway and this presumably is a wise business decision. Since Sarah has enormous breasts, does this tactic work in the same way, or can it backfire?

I don’t know who Jay is or how he knows so much about your breasts and what you wear to work, but ladies, a response?

Ashley:

well, I knew how to push the girls up, and I did get amazing tips, plus, my very horny italian boss loved me

Kimber:

My sister said she wore low-cut tops to get more tips when she was getting tips.

Christoph:

Kimber, your sister has enormous breasts, correct?

Kimber:

This is true.

Sarah:

I have to wear button up shirts and at one time was also forced to wear a tie. I make more tips with buttons unbuttoned.

Kimber:

If you wear a button-up that is slightly to small it could gap at the buttons, which would show your boobs=tips?

Christoph:

Kimber, your own breasts are quite large. How do you tread the line between showing too much or too little cleavage? Past a certain point it can get to be vulgar and terrifying.

Kimber:

I wear shirts.

Christoph:

An excellent idea. Sarah?

Ashley:

The trick is to wear pretty necklaces that rest on the cleavage

Christoph:

Does this work as well with large as with paltry, average sized breasts?

Ashley:

it slightly covers it up, but still draws attention

Christoph:

HOOOONK HOOOOONK!

Oh my goodness, those were horns! You know what that means!

It’s time for hands-free mode! The segment where I masturbate fervently in silence while the women talk about their tits.

Kimber:

I have boobs.

Ashley:

me too! What a coincidence.

Sarah:

Gosh! Me too.

Kimber:

You done?

Christoph:
eblaborate,, pLEAS

Ashley:

for about 10 hours a day, mine stay in a bra.

Christoph:

omfggkimbert uwear a bra?

Kimber:

sometimes~

Christoph:

!!!!saraah

Sarah:

I’m wearing one right now as a matter of fact

Christoph:

Oh, man. Let’s bring in an Easily Offended expert to clean up this mess.

Anne! I’ve made a terrible mistake on the studio floor. What say you, then?

Anne:

hm?

Christoph:

Are you not familiar with our show? The Hands-Free Mode segment has just wrapped up.

Anne:

i see

Christoph:

It is very offensive and demeaning to women everywhere. How do you feel?

Anne:

well, for a woman, i’m kind of a womanizer.

Christoph:

Then why won’t you have sex with me?

Anne:

i don’t womanize myself.

Christoph:

Sigh. This has happened once before. Let’s bring in Melanie for another perspective.

Hello, Melanie. We have never had sex, correct?

Melanie:

Excuse me wut

Christoph:

I’m almost certain that I haven’t had sex with you. Presumably this is because you don’t want me to have sex with you. Is this the case?

Melanie:

Do I care about any of this? Be honest.

Christoph:

I do not know.

Melanie:

Probably not.

l8r

Christoph:

Anne, you have just witnessed the correct response to the Easily Offended segment. Can you see where you went wrong?

Anne:

i was too high?

Christoph:

Probably. Also I thought your name was Annie.

Anne:

well, officially, it’s anne.

Christoph:

Was it ever Annie?

Anne:

it was annie banannie.

Christoph:

Gross. Sarah, was your name ever Annie?

Sarah:

No but it was Sarie. Which is also a weird diminutive.

Christoph:

Interesting. Whose idea was that?

You have two lifelines remaining.

Sarah:

My mother’s

Christoph:

Well! Ashley, can we get a final word from you?

Ashley:

I was never Annie

but I was Bucky

which is 4000000 times more awful

Christoph:

My database backup for the week has just been delivered, so we’re short on time, but can you explain why you were Bucky in 140 characters or fewer?

Ashley:

I had a horribly crooked front tooth

Christoph:

Makes sense. Thank you so much for your time.

Kimber:

Awwwwh.

Christoph:

And to everyone, thank you. Sarah, you’ve been wonderful

Ashley:

You’re welcome!

Sarah:

Thanks for having me

Christoph:

Kim, we need to run out to the store—I do not know which store—to get that headphone adapter, post haste!

Kimber:

Heavens. Let me get my handbag.

Christoph:

/credits