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Journal: How to Eat Breakfast Awesome
My new breakfast routine, now that I sometimes wake up in the mornings, is to eat a snack bar and wait for Kim to whisk me away to IHOP. This is actually marginally better for my figure than my previous breakfast ritual of waking up and eating dinner.
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Journal: Why would I be at the Cloverdale Rodeo?
I guess I thought it would be a great place to watch the rapture, because cows and religion go hand in hand as personal interests, but when that didn’t pan out I had to find something else to do.
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Journal: The Best Deskcision of My Life
I have decided to convert to a standing desk, for several reasons. First, because I am so much better than you at everything—including standing.
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Photos: Green Timbers
Just some pictures from a walk in the woods.
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Comedy: The Signs, They Are a-Changin’
On the day I was born I remember very clearly the first words spoken to me: “Son, you are a Scorpio. Don’t let it go to your head.”
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Artwork: Dinner and Music
It’s a bit romantic. Like death.
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Comedy: On Aggregators
An aggregator is a website that lets you bypass the free and diverse dream of the Internet to be more efficiently fed only the content your peers have selected for you in advance.
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Journal: MY TOOTH IS GONE MY TOOTH IS GONE
I had been under the impression that if they pulled a tooth, they would put in a new tooth. I guess you’re supposed to ask. It all happened so quickly, and I wasn’t briefed in advance. I just had a toothache is all.
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Comedy: Advice Column
Originally written for a now-defunct feminist zine called Buttercup, where I was tasked with providing a male perspective under the title: The Scrote of Wisdom.
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Comedy: Dear Girl
Once you see me soaring through the air like a gazelle, there’s no way you’ll be able to resist my awkward advances.