Irreversible Mistakes

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  • Journal: Paul is Dead—A Bacon of Hope
    May 8, 2013

    Journal: Paul is Dead—A Bacon of Hope

    Did you know that Paul Quarrington died of lung cancer a few years ago? Of course you didn’t, because you have no fucking idea who Paul Quarrington was. But even if you did know who Paul Quarrington was you certainly wouldn’t have known that he died of lung cancer a few years ago, because if…

  • Comedy: The Signs, They Are a-Changin’
    January 13, 2011

    Comedy: The Signs, They Are a-Changin’

    On the day I was born I remember very clearly the first words spoken to me: “Son, you are a Scorpio. Don’t let it go to your head.”

  • Comedy: On Aggregators
    June 7, 2010

    Comedy: On Aggregators

    An aggregator is a website that lets you bypass the free and diverse dream of the Internet to be more efficiently fed only the content your peers have selected for you in advance.

  • Comedy: Advice Column
    January 19, 2010

    Comedy: Advice Column

    Originally written for a now-defunct feminist zine called Buttercup, where I was tasked with providing a male perspective under the title: The Scrote of Wisdom.

  • Comedy: Dear Girl
    March 12, 2007

    Comedy: Dear Girl

    Once you see me soaring through the air like a gazelle, there’s no way you’ll be able to resist my awkward advances.

  • Journal: This Sandwich is Delicious!
    March 4, 2007

    Journal: This Sandwich is Delicious!

    I know a thing or two about the topic, and this is one crazy badass sandwich. I’ve never enjoyed such a rich and varied flood of overwhelming, yet harmonious flavors. Not in a sandwich, and not in anything else. The first thing I did when I began to chew that first bite was call my…

  • Comedy: Photoshop Tutorial
    March 3, 2006

    Comedy: Photoshop Tutorial

    Today we learn how to be a proper badass.

  • Comedy: Dating Tape
    February 7, 2006

    Comedy: Dating Tape

    Hey pretty girl, did you go to college?